Love and Contrast Love are very different but have common words. Often we are confused by the energy or the author of energy we believed to be love.
What is love? It is one of those words that is completely overused. We love everything. And yet, when it really counts, this the hardest feeling to share. There are two types of love. There is real love and fake love. Divine Love or God/Goddess is real love. Irreverent love or Fake God/Goddess is fake love. There are two distinct energies behind each kind of love. In this day and age the two loves are wired or programmed in backwards for most people. We think we know love, but really what we know is a version of love that leaves us sad, lonely and in need. In my experience, human love can have a combination of the two depending on how we were raised and how we took in information as a child. We collected evidence throughout our life to support our very young beliefs. I would like to explore the two loves and show the difference.
The author and creator of real love is Divine Love/God/Goddess.
Here is what I know about real love. This love has rules. These rules are constant and true. Free will and choice comes from this love. Free will is very difficult to understand. This is a love that allows us to make choices and does not manipulate or control. We often get really upset with this kind of love because we want the rules of what to do and what not to do. We think safety is in control. True safety is in trust. Divine love trusts us, that we will make choices in our lives and we will either learn and grow or feel good. Divine love can wait for us when we get off course. Divine love doesn’t need us to hurry up or will not try to manipulate us into making a different choice.
True love allows us to feel the consequences of our choices. It doesn’t placate, accommodate, feel sorry or change to make us feel better. It allows us to have our own experience in totality. There is no competition in true love. While there is freedom to make choices on our own, there isn’t a change in integrity. Two wrongs do not make a right. If we need to understand the contrast side, there is freedom in that. This love is quiet but strong. It is loyal and fierce. This love is the strongest vibration. A great example of real love is Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia. This was the perfect blend of strong, patient and allowed the children to make their own choices even with all the consequences. Aslan was a loving guide. He didn’t do it for them.
The author and creator of fake love is contrast love or what I call fake god/goddess.
Here is what I know about fake love. This love has rules. The rules will never make sense because they always change depending on the person and situation. There are allegiances and sides. This love is full of competition and ego. This love exploits. It destroys. It takes true love and spins and bends it depending on what is wanted. It romanticizes longing and needing. It is obsessive. It seeks to control and coerce others. This love has many rules and strings attached. It takes romantic love and removes safety, it lures people into relationships that degrades and erodes hope. Fake love will take a sliver of truth and wrap it in expectation and illusion. Fake love wants to hurry and rush. It is more manic and reactive. It wants to push and pull. It breaks promises. It hides behind a mask. It delights in perfection and false senses of security. It needs. It is desperate. It seeks desperate souls.
The perfect example of fake love is Ursula in Little Mermaid. She wanted power and more gifts. She lured Ariel into a binding contract that basically took her voice but even more than that, her life. Forever to be a pawn and at the beck and call of Ursula. Ursula stacked the decks, cheated, and didn’t play fair in her quest for Ariel’s light. And had her dad not stepped in, there would have been very real consequences. Another great example was in a Wrinkle in Time. The IT is the perfect example of fake love. Facades and many faces in the land of Camazotz. Mrs Which describes the fake love energy as this;
“The IT invades the place inside of us where hope and joy lives. Replaces it with jealousy and judgement pain and despair. You see this is what the IT does. One person at a time until fear takes over, and fear turns to rage. Rage leads to violence and then there’s the tipping point.”
The fake perfectionistic suburban homes to the fake beaches with sand sandwiches… it all looks good until you realize it is all fake.
We can’t remove all negative energy. Contrast energy has to exist. If we got rid of negative energy in totality, love and light couldn’t exist. Our job is to be able to be around negative energy and still choose love. Love is a higher vibration and stronger. Love is free will, which means you have the option to choose real love or fake love. We have the choice to show real love or fake love. The choice brings the contrast.
Influencers and Leaders:
There are a lot of “Goddess” or “Divine Love” like movements out there. Be sure to look at the author and energy behind any guides and movements in your life. You might be surprised to find the classic “wolf in sheep’s clothing” happening right in front of you. Words are not enough. It is important to “listen” to the feeling behind the words. There have been many times I have found a leader to say what seems right or true, but when I really listen, true love will always be consistent, fake love changes the rules depending on the situation.
Fake love will say that the means justify the ends. It will adjust ethics and morality of the individual to reach an end goal for the masses. In true love, this will never happen. True love will never sell out or make a decision to excuse bad behavior. This is how cult leaders get power. No one wants to confront the individual because they are looking at how it may hurt the movement. Trust me, true love doesn’t care about the movement if it means bargaining or deceit. Fake love seeks to sell your soul. True love saves it. I have had to do more healing from current spiritual leaders/business and life coaches than anyone else
“They want your light”, A wrinkle in time.
In the people that you follow on social media or in a particular movement, be sure to look at the energy behind the ideals. How do you feel? Does the leader put you in the driver seat of your own life? Is the person showing “real life” or just the perfectly curated one on Instagram? The words may be great but is that leader actually following them? When you look at a person’s eyes do they feel good? Do you feel the authenticity of the person? Some of the prettiest people have the crappiest hearts and we don’t want to be seduced by great branding. Do you feel safe and protected? Do you feel like you can share the shadow sides in that community or is there a sense of competition and fear of being overlooked? Real love leaders will bring in connection and hope. They will be transparent. You will feel the difference in them.
Real love romantic relationships are mutual. Each person seeks to love and support in a mutual or energy matching exchange. Each person comes to the relationship as a whole person. Yes we have emotional baggage but we aren’t led by it. Real love is a healing journey. We connect and learn about each other. The parts of us that we hide, meet the light of day and are shown grace. This is important for us as we continue to grow and evolve. We do that for each other taking turns depending on who needs healing at what time.
Fake relationships are steeped in hiding. We only want our best selves coming forward. We hide and lie about our wounds and past. Fake love doesn’t want to know your deepest needs. It wants to feel good and you are responsible for the other’s happiness at all times. So we exchange ownership. We assume responsibility for our partners happiness and we expect that they or other people will make us happy. We get bitter and disillusioned when we are repeatedly put at the bottom of the priority list. We redouble our efforts to help others get their goals and their dreams. Over and over, we put them first.
We keep waiting for our turn. We quietly seethe in anger at the Universe or God for making us wait or worse feel we are being punished. Perfection seems like a good idea, as people expect a lot from us and we get accolades for looking so well put together. But seeking approval and validation in others will always let you down. Imagine how a wife with children feels after putting her husband first in every way, only to have him leave and find someone else. What about the father that works all day, helps with the family at night find himself doing most of the work while his wife left needing to feel more important in a newer and more exciting relationship. We have invested heavily in people that were never really there, just using you to get what they can, and then we are surprised (more like devastated) when they break all those beautifully spoken promises. Words are nothing without action. Words are easy.
Imagine an employee that continues to do triple the work and sacrifices her/his time over and over only to be yet again overlooked with promotions and awards. This wishing, hoping and waiting hell never ends in fake love. We may get crumbs to keep us going but we never feel good, loved, appreciated or valued. Because that is not how fake love works. I remember working at a government agency and burning myself out working 50-60 hour weeks. I remember my supervisor at that time telling me to slow way down. She said that no one at that place would come to my funeral. That isn’t what you want to hear when you invest so much of yourself in your work, and yet it is what we need to hear. Sometimes our need to be needed fuels this unbalanced desire to be able to be counted on at all costs. She was right. No one was as invested in me as I was in the job. And you know what, they would replace me in a second and did when I left.
Many of us were parented by fake love. I talk about this a lot in my blog on Understanding Energy through lights. If we happen to have had a no light parent, or a two light closed parent, often times “how we were raised” was very confusing. Punishment rarely fit the crime. We were left bewildered and confused about what we were doing wrong or for that fact what we actually did that was right. There are many times where you could try to be the best boy or girl ever, only to find yourself dealing with harsh and confusing punishments.
Fake love is all about the rules and control, not about connection or what you need. Classic confusing parenting words, children are seen not heard. We aren’t allowed to have anger or express negative emotion and yet our parent was able to yell and scream whenever they were disappointed or triggered. Then we would get weird rewards, money is often used so the parent doesn’t have to feel guilt. So perfection and anxiety set in as we try to make sense of a system with no written rules that can change at a moment’s notice without warning. We handle this confusing upbringing through various coping styles; perfection, acting out, drugs, lying or hiding. We take in the message at a very young age that love is loud, unpredictable, scary, painful and fleeting. We start early with trying to make people happy and it just continues through life if we don’t look at it and make a change.
The painful twist:
Here is an interesting fact about fake love. They will use “love” words against you. They will accuse you of not being loving, of being greedy and self serving when you deny them control. They will say you are lying and have no integrity. They try to cut us with these words, because we actually value love and integrity. I have come in contact with a few very dark, obsessed, and pathological souls. They don’t understand love or how love works. When you see their lies and call them out, they attack viciously and they slander. They have zero moral code. They only want to destroy. There are varying degrees of this kind of energy disguising itself as love. When you leave fake love relationships, their true colors come out. They don’t fight fair and they rarely get over anything. These are usually narcissists or no lights and two light closed souls. You can read more about on my blog, Understanding Energy through lights.
Even in this kind of fake love experience there is hope. Love is stronger than anything, real love. I have never loved anything more than my daughters. A mother’s love is powerful when infused in real love. You see, real love can’t be bought or bargained. It will step in front of a energy bullet and make decisions that baffle fake love. Love heals. Love will go the distance. Love will always be. And the most beautiful part is that love bonds even deeper with pain.
So what do we do now?
If you find yourself in a situation where you are constantly exhausted helping everyone else and being lied to over and over, there is hope. Maybe you are tired of hiding the real you, or all the lies that you have lived hoping no one sees who you really are deep down. Guilt, hiding, perfection and shame are all symptoms and effects of false/fake love. It may seem daunting to think about how to change it all. So instead of waiting until everything can change at once, release perfection and embrace ratio. Start small. Baby steps.
It may seem too much to start with romantic relationships, so start with work, or visa versa. Change the ratio of accommodating and placating others. If you are in the 90% ratio of always saying yes to others, start bumping it down to 80% and then 70%. For every ten yes’s you say, make sure to say one no. Then change it to every seven yes’s have three no’s. Changing the ratio might seem like such a small thing, but trust me, it adds up. You get more and more of your energy back and you are able to tackle more and more areas of your life.
It is really about changing back the ownership exchange where you are in charge of your happiness and what you want out of life, and other people are responsible for theirs. In real love relationships this is how it works. Each person is responsible for their happiness and then collaborate on how to add to the partnership even more happiness and dreams. Get back into the driver’s seat. Roll down the windows, turn up the music and just drive. Smile because this is what freedom in real love feels like.
P.S. If you feel like you are in a relationship or leaving one that feels over your head or too scary, please reach out to someone safe. I often help people manage this fake love energy and can help, but the worst feeling is to be isolated or defeated. You are not alone and you are most definitely loved.