Sensitives often struggle with knowing how to handle negative people. Family, friends and work are usually the hardest to handle due to the amount of time. Negative people usually encompass more than half of my Clearing and healing calls. There are four kinds of negative people that I would like to address in this post. Of course there are many variables in negative influence, but these are the most common and a great place to start.
There are people that are going through a hard time for a season. This is more than a friend having a bad day or week. This is a person that is going through a rough patch for a longer period of time. There are painful circumstances that can influence us to have a negative outlook or lower vibration. This can feel a lot like depression, anxiety or feeling completely overwhelmed by life. Often these guys are labeled as “toxic people” because of the prolonged negative state. These are not the souls you need to “cut out” of your life. They are hurting and not able to find a positive outlook due to their circumstances. They are not trying to be negative, they simply got lost in the pain and can’t see their way out just yet. It can be very draining to be around them. They might say the same thing or go over the same story year after year. I am not implying that you need to spend a lot of time around your struggling friend or family member if it is really difficult to be around.
My suggestion is to limit your time. Always take care of your own needs first, and don’t over give. If you want to be a friend and show support, an hour or two is plenty of time to connect and offer support. You can’t save or fix, but you can help by listening or having some connecting time. Going through a tough time can feel lonely and isolating. I remember one time in particular a friend that I really liked and admired said that she couldn’t be around me because I was struggling in my relationship at that time. it stressed her out and she cut off communication. It was one of the most painful experiences because I was confused and in a lot of pain, but I wanted her friendship and couldn’t understand why she just disappeared. This didn’t help my already fragile state to be ghosted by a friend. It really triggered me in my already tender spot of “being too much”. I honored her choice, but in my heart I knew this is not how I would want to treat others. We can’t cut everyone out of our lives that are going through a hard time. There would be no one left as everyone struggles, it is called life.
The second type of negative person is one that we need to detach from. These souls are usually more of an acquaintance or those we don’t really like but don’t know why. There are some souls that are jealous and are always in a state of comparing or competition. Envy, jealousy, and comparing energy is the lowest vibration we can have. When we are around this kind of energy, we feel it on some level even if we can’t exactly explain why. We also can feel a little jab in our heart at times when they are around us. I’m not saying that jealous people are bad, I have had my fair share of jealous times. I am sure I have accidentally sent negative energy toward people. This is all clearable and healable. It is important to know that this can happen and we feel it in our hearts. This jealous energy that comes at us. is what I call clusters. Little energy clusters that stick to us a little more than just normal empathing feelings. What I often tell people is to clear and detach.
You might wonder how jealous anger is “sent” to others. If you have a lot of frustration and jealous anger built up inside of you, it will need a release. An instapot is a great example of the pressure that builds with the energy. It stews and simmers building pressure with no release. When you fixate on a person as having something you want, it sets the energy in motion and your focus on that person gives the direction for the energy to be sent. This can be intentional or by accident. You might really hate someone and wish that you could have what they want. Intentional. You might be hearing really good news from a friend, and you are happy for your friend, but secretly a little sad that you feel everyone around you is getting good things and you are afraid you won’t have a turn. Unintentional. This is what creates an energy cluster that gets sent to a person and it collects around the heart. These can be removed and healed.
Example: Let’s say you are at work and you notice that you always feel a little drained and self conscious after a certain coworker is around. You feel fine on days she or he isn’t at the office, but feel like crap when they are. This usually accumulated through the day so we really feel it later in the afternoon. Clearing will help you. You can read more about this on my blog, What is Clearing? If you clear and get energy away from you, then detach you will feel so much better. Crystals are helpful with negative energy however they do not heal this kind of triggered energy. It is important to clear and detach several times a day when you feel that energy drain. This way that energy doesn’t collect into a big pile of clusters. The bigger the pile, the more tired and less like yourself you feel.
I rarely recommend to cut people out of our lives. People ebb and flow into our lives depending on circumstances. There are some people however, that have malicious intent and can cause a lot of harm when they are around. I usually recommend getting some distance to get proper perspective. There are two categories of stay away people. I talk a lot about no lights or closed souls, you can read more about that on my blog, Understanding Energy Through Lights.
How can we tell if someone is being negative or has bad intentions? Often times we have a parent or a partner that we are in relationship with and it can be tremendously difficult to know if they are stuck in negative energy, going through a painful time, or are they just plain crappy. Negative people are not bad people, they are stuck in a negative loop and they can be draining. Often their love is very self serving and full of strings. If you step away for a bit and gain your confidence and strength you can be around this kind of person and not be as impacted. It is usually when we overstep and over give to these souls that we feel the most negative impact.
If you are able to say yes when you want, no when you want and able to keep your ownership on your own life and not taking theirs, you will be able to handle more time around this person. Many times we have this kind of person at work and we are not able to take time away as we have to work side by side. The clearing and detaching method will definitely help. The other helpful thing would be not to feed them. What I mean by that is they like to complain and vent. So if you stay out of those kinds of conversations, you won’t feel as much impact
The second kind of soul that you need to stay away from are the obsessed stalker type of people. They like to play the cat and mouse game and are often very fixated on their obsession. I cannot recommend being around this kind of energy. Kayla and I have experienced this several times during the last several years. The obsession thing is real and very harmful. They take pleasure in your fear. I won’t go into this too much but I for one have never been afraid to get authorities involved if needed. They leave notes on your door, send cryptic messages that they are going to hurt you or things like that. It isn’t worth dealing with. Ask for help. You can read more about this in my blog, Real Love vs. Fake Love.
The last kind of negative person that can be very draining and exhausting is your own self. There are times in my life when my negative self talk made me the most toxic person in my life. Now I can’t cut myself off from me, so the only way to handle this is to deal with it. Take ownership of your own negative mindsets and self hate. We may not think we have that much of an impact on our own energy but we do. We probably have the most impact on our energy because our words are powerful. Our gifts and ability to create energy either positive or negative is huge as a sensitive. Our minds can create massive havoc on our physical lives. There have been studies around negative words and plants vs healing words and plants. I would love to see a study on a non sensitive with words and plants vs a sensitive with words and plants.I bet we would all be shocked at the power behind what we say and think.
Sometimes we are following how we were raised. I remember when I was a child, it was thought of as vain to say good things about yourself. The martyr approach to living was thought to be more humble and good. Other times we are afraid to say good things because we fear the good things will be taken away. There are times where we have made choices that have impacted our lives in such a way that we can’t seem to shake our negative self talk. Making peace with past choices and learning how to become more positive in our thoughts and words is essential to heal. Therapy can help at times to make sense of things. Most of our negative self talk is done in silence or hiding. People can’t see what we think. Most of it is autopilot and we aren’t even aware of how much is positive or negative. Gaining awareness and noticing patterns helps a lot. Shining light on this often helps us break free from this kind of habit.
When I go back and read my old journal notes, I am really surprised to notice how much of the time I was so sad and negative and just plain lost, looking for help. I am so grateful for where I am today and how my thoughts start off positive instead of instantaneously negative. But it took work breaking those cycles and patterns.
Toxic people are always going to be around. People are always going to be going in and out of negative times. When my children were still in grammar school we had to deal with some really toxic situations during my divorce. I initially wanted to save them from all negative stuff but realized that this was a good time as any to learn how to deal with negative people. So we went through each experience together and I taught them how to manage their own feelings and emotions as well as how to navigate toxic people and circumstances.
I also want to leave with some hope. There are some people who actually change and grow and evolve and surprise us. I have had many instances where I was able to mend and heal broken relationships that I thought were gone forever. There are others that won’t ever be the same. I keep looking to surround myself with the most positive people that I can. I also spend time with others that are hurting and know how to manage my own energy so that I am not giving it all away and I have nothing left for me at the end of the day. Your quality of life matters. Learning how to handle your energy and understanding how you are impacted by others will help you stay on top of your energy/confidence game!